The Auction
by reptilia321
Summary: It's Hamilton's birthday! Yaebi decides to take a trip to the human settlement to get a present, but finds it to be a little out of his price range. What could he possibly do?


Yaebi grumbled as he walked through the human settlement. It was not his favorite place to be. Why would it be? Humans and zombies have been at odds since long before Yaebi was born. While zombies had numbers, humans had the advantage of weapon and armor crafting. Zombies were just too feeble to do much crafting or mining, opting instead to wear whatever armor they found during their hunts. Yaebi felt his blood boil as he saw the humans go about their day, happily, despite his presence. The rulers and the humans have been at peace ever since the Mutant War, so no one really minded him. He sighed. ' _I'm not here to plan the downfall of humanity… yet. I need to find what I need and get the hell out of here.'_ He looked around until he found what he was looking for: a dainty shop on the street corner. He frowned as he walked in. It didn't look unusual in the slightest. Shelves were stocked with a multitude of potions and tools and a cashier stood in the center of the room. Yaebi walked up and slammed a hand on the desk to grab the cube human's attention.

The cashier was a bit surprised, but smiled nonetheless. "Oh! Isn't this a surprise! A ruler in my store! To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Yaebi remained unimpressed with the overly enthusiastic human, but sighed. "Listen, I need something nice. A 'friend' of mine is having a birthday party. I need a present for her."

The cashier smirked. "Ah! A present for a lady, eh?"

Yaebi crossed his arms, cheeks red. "Whatever. Don't waste my time, human. Do you have a gift or not?"

"I think I have the perfect thing!" The cashier shuffled around behind the desk before pulling out several items. "How's about a beautiful bouquet of flowers! Any lady's heart would surely melt at the sight of them!"

Yaebi shook his head. "Too generic."

"How's about a beautiful set of leather leggings? If you buy a pair now, I'll give you any set of dye for free!"

"Too boring. Come on, human! I need something grand!"

The cashier put a hand to his chin. "Hmm… tricky customer, indeed. You must really like this girl, huh?"

Yaebi's face burned red as he slammed his hands on the desk. "Do you have anything or not!?"

"Of course! If it's something grand you want, I might have just the thing!" The cashier reached under the desk and pulled out a glowing golden sword. "This is a special one. This is no ordinary golden sword. Forged by an ancient hero and enchanted to never wear down or break until the end of time! This sword is older than even King Steve himself!" The cashier laughed while Yaebi looked at the sword with a renewed interest.

"That's perfect! How much for it?"

"100,000 emeralds." Yaebi stared at the human for a moment before screaming. "What!? What kind of pricing is that!?"

The cashier remained cheery as he shrugged. "Sorry, sonny. That is an ancient relic. I can't just sell it at a normal price."

Yaebi frowned. He stomped out of the shop, cursing under his breath. The cashier waved and wished him a good rest of the day.

Yaebi walked through the human settlement again, this time trying to find a different store with a different gift. However, he couldn't get his mind off of that sword. "Hamilton would have loved that gift. I doubt she'd like anything else." He lowered his hood a bit when he felt the sting of sunlight on his nose. "Dammit! I'm so flustered that I'm losing focus." He scratched his chin. "Maybe I could beat up that merchant for the sword? No, then I'd have to deal with Tony and his 'justice for all' attitude." Yaebi sighed. Suddenly, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned and found a cube human child looking up at him. "Excuse me, sir? Are you a ruler?"

Yaebi frowned. "What's it to you? Go on, child. I have important matters to attend to."

"Wait! I was wondering… do you know Tony?"

Yaebi felt slightly annoyed, but clenched his jaw and forced a smile. "Yes, I do."

"Awesome! He's the coolest! Everyone in the settlement knows his name!"

Yaebi was about to yell, but suddenly had an idea. "Everyone? Little one, how would you like a souvenir that actually belonged to Tony?"

The child's eyes widened in shock. "You can get me that?"

"Of course! Well, for a fee. I'll need one emerald to-" Before he could even finish, the boy was holding the emerald right in front of the zombie. Yabi grinned and looked through his inventory. He didn't actually have anything belonging to his frenemy, but who was he to crush a child's dreams? He pulled an apple from his inventory and gave it to the child. "Here. This apple was grown right in front of Tony's house! I think he even touched it once!"

The child gasped and ran off, hugging the fruit with a smile. Yaebi chuckled. "Like stealing candy from a baby. Although, one emerald isn't going to cut it. If what that kid says is true, I might have an idea."

The human settlement was buzzing with activity. In the heart of the city, Yaebi stood on a stage, grinning. Behind him, several items were displayed on a table. He looked back, making sure everything was accounted for. ' _I'm glad Tony wasn't home. He's probably helping the others plan Hamilton's party. If I can sell this stuff fast, I can get that sword and still get to the party!'_ He cleared his throat. The crowd went silent as he waved his arms. "Welcome to the first ever Hero Auction!" The crowd cheered, coaxing him to continue. "That's right! Own your very own memorabilia from Tony the Human's many battles! Deals like these don't come everyday, folks!" He walked over to the first item: a normal bed. "First up, we have the very resting place of the hero himself! After days of adventuring and mining, even the most hardened warriors need good rest. Starting offer at 1,000 emeralds!"

The crowd murmured for a moment before someone raised their hand. "1,000 here!"

Then another. "1,500!"

And another. "2,000!"

Yaebi grinned as the number kept increasing with every passing second. Eventually the bidding stopped at 10,000 from a mother and child. The latter cheered in excitement. "Yippee! Now I can sleep like a hero!"

Yaebi walked to the next item. "Here we have a genuine chest full of clothes belonging to the hero himself!" Yaebi smirked. ' _Courtesy of the hamper I found in Tony's room. Hopefully no one minds, though.'_

The bidding went faster this time. However, the numbers were a bit lower than Yaebi wanted. Suddenly a familiar voice rang out from the crowd. "20,000 emeralds!" Yaebi felt his jaw drop as he saw who it was. Hex grinned as she approached the stage, happy to win the bid. Yaebi suddenly began sweating nervously. "H-Hex! W-what a surprise! This, eh, isn't what it looks like?"

Hex cackled. "Don't worry, Dead Head. I won't tell anyone about your little auction. I'll just take my prize and be on my way." She took the chest and quickly left the settlement, snuggling it. Yaebi shuddered at the sight. ' _That girl has issues.'_ He quickly proceeded with the auction.

The event was finally over as Yaebi handed over the final item. He counted the emeralds he was given and sighed. "Dammit! I'm only 10,000 emeralds away from my goal. What's more, the party is about to start!" He sighed until he heard someone clear their throat. "We can help you with that."

Hamilton sat in her chair, smiling nervously. In front of her was a colossal cake and stacks of presents. The zombie pigman ruler merely blushed at the attention she was getting from everyone gathered around the table. "Thank you all for coming. I'm… glad." She said, meekly.

Lacy pushed her gift into the ruler's face. "Open mine first, Hamilton! I'm sure it'll be your favorite!"

Lattice grabbed the spider girl and held her in a headlock. "We're doing presents _after_ the cake, Cobwebs-for-Brains!" The duo began wrestling, much to the amusement of everyone. Hamilton smiled. "It's alright. We can do presents first, if you want."

Blazette scoffed. "Hammy, it's your birthday party. Do what you want."

Hamilton just twiddled her thumbs, nervously. Blazette rolled her eyes and smirked. "Fine then. Presents it is."

Hamilton began opening presents left and right. A coal block from Blazette, a sad painting from Misery, several leather outfits of different colors from the village rulers, a set of iron armor from Tony, a spider eye and a fermented spider eye from Lattice and Lacy, respectively, two ender chests from Andr, and a block of stone from H. Everyone else either didn't want to bring a present or simply forgot. Hamilton thanked everyone for the gifts, but she also seemed to be looking for someone. "What's wrong, Hammy?" Blazette asked.

The zombie pigman girl simply blushed. "I'm just… wondering where Yaebi is. I haven't seen him since the party began."

"Who cares? You know how he can be. Stubborn as a mule with no hint of remorse."

Misery put a hand on Hamilton's shoulder, sobbing out her words. "He's probably… just running a bit… late. He isn't… the most punctual." Hamilton nodded sadly.

Suddenly, a voice rang out. "Hey! I made it!" Yaebi said, gasping for air. He had ran as fast as he could to get to the party. Hamilton's eyes lit up. "Yaebi. You made it!"

His cheeks burned red when he looked at her eyes, so he just grunted and looked away. "O-of course I did! I wouldn't want to miss a fellow ruler's formal event. He approached her and quickly handed her his gift. "... happy birthday…"

She stared in awe at the weapon in front of her. The sword seemed to glow with power and the golden shine of the blade reflected Hamilton's own awestruck expression. "This… this is amazing! Thank you, Yaebi!" She hugged the zombie boy close, causing his face to turn red. He reluctantly returned the hug. "W-whatever! It's not like I w-wanted to get it or anything." He felt her hug tighten and couldn't help but grin.

The rest of the party went on without any issues. Everyone talked about current events and even played games. It wasn't long before the party began to lull when Tony was able to talk to Yaebi. The zombie frowned. "What's the matter, human?"

"Hey, Yaebi. I couldn't help but notice that sword you got for Hamilton. Isn't that the same one from the general store in the human settlement?"

Yaebi smirked. "The very same one. Impressed?"

"Of course! I've heard the legend about it. That thing must've cost a fortune. How did you get the money for it?"

"I have my ways." Yaebi said, smugly. Tony raised an eyebrow until he felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked and felt his face turn red. Hex stood wearing nothing but her hat and one of his green T-shirts. It was long on her, reaching down to her lower thigh. She spun, giggling. "Do you like it? I see why you like these things so much." She hugged herself.

"Wha- how did you-" He suddenly felt a pair of hands grab him and pull him close. Mire stood behind him, grinning mischievously, while Slag stood beside her, arms crossed. She smiled. "Come on, let's get you home, honey."

Tony felt his body temperature rise even more. "H-honey? Home? Can someone tell me what's going on?"

Mire giggled. "Yaebi rented your house to us for the night if we helped him pay off the sword he bought."

Hex hugged her shirt a bit more. "And I bought a chest full of my love's outfits." She giggled again.

Tony felt his face go pale as he realized what was going on. He looked back at the zombie, who was already walking away. "Have fun, guys." He waved.

Tony was about to chase after him, but found that he was being lifted away by Mire. She gazed at him, playfully. "Sorry, but revenge will have to wait. Right now, we're going home to have some fun!" She laughed while Slag clapped behind her. Hex skipped for joy as she trailed behind them, still hugging herself. Tony could only glare back at the zombie boy, who watched the scene in hysterics.

Hamilton approached Yaebi, raising an eyebrow. "What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing. Let's go back to the party." He replied, wiping a tear away. He looked back at Tony being helplessly carried away and sighed. ' _This has to be the best day of my life.'_


End file.
